by
Leah
Millis-Pool/Getty
Images)
They
thought
prostituting
themselves
wouldn’t
mean
losing
control,
but
after
accidentally
falling
in
love
they
tragically
learn
they
were
just
thought
of
as
a
whore
by
tacky
oligarchs.
No,
it’s
not
the
plot
of
Best
Picture
winner
Anora
—
I
mean,
it
is
that
too
—
but
the
very
real
human
drama
of
Chief
Justice
John
Roberts.
Roberts
showed
up
at
the
State
of
the
Union
last
night
expecting
to
take
in
another
evening
of
sitting
stonefaced
while
pretending
it’s
not
weird
that
the
judicial
branch
attends
the
president’s
annual
report
to
Congress.
Instead,
he
had
the
emperor’s
robes
ripped
off
him
by
a
bumbling
chief
executive
who
doesn’t
understand
the
conservative
judicial
pantomime:
The
first
rule
of
Federalist
Society
Partisan
Club
is
you
do
not
talk
about
Federalist
Society
Partisan
Club!
The
second
rule
is
enjoy
the
Chick-fil-A.
Except
for
Sam
“Flagman”
Alito,
the
conservative
justices
work
hard
to
peddle
the
mythology
that
they
aren’t
die-hard
Republicans
reverse
engineering
contemporary
GOP
policy
but
conscientious
jurists
calling
balls
and
strikes.
They’ll
make
up
reasons
why
Alexander
Hamilton
would’ve
wanted
them
to
give
police
total
immunity
or
plead
that
you
have
to
read
their
opinions
and
then
not
issue
any
opinions
in
increasingly
consequential
shadow
docket
cases
—
but
they
want
you
to
know
that
they
are
always
ALWAYS
non-partisan.
In
Trump
v.
United
States
—
ending
Trump’s
federal
criminal
cases
and
inventing
a
new
double-whammy
to
shield
presidents
from
state
cases
—
the
Chief
took
great
pains
to
characterize
the
ruling
as
entirely
normal.
Even
though
the
argument
in
the
case
explicitly
contemplated
“using
SEAL
Team
6
to
assassinate
a
political
rival.”
The
opinion
is
laughably
shoddy,
but
it
plays
the
game.
Roberts
and
his
buddies
wanted
Trump
to
win
and
they
thought
the
electorate
might
balk
if
they
found
out
some
Russian
agent
lived
in
Trump’s
pool
locker
stealing
nuclear
codes
for
four
years
or
whatever
lives
in
the
Jack
Smith
report
that
Aileen
Cannon
and
Pam
Bondi
do
NOT
want
us
to
see.
So
he
cobbled
together
this
opinion
to
give
his
favored
candidate
a
hand.
Then
he
wrote
an
annual
report
scolding
anyone
who
might
scrutinize
judicial
opinions
enough
to
suggest
a
judge
might
be
a
partisan
hack.
Maybe
Roberts
believes
his
own
mythology.
It
would
be
insane,
but
it’s
possible.
But
whether
his
illusion
was
shattered
or
just
his
attempt
to
cover
it
up,
Trump
busted
through
it
all
when
he
said
what
everyone
else
already
knew
while
patting
the
Chief
on
the
chest.
“Thank
you
again,”
he
said,
implying
this
is
not
the
first
time
he’s
thanked
him.
“Won’t
forget
it.”
As
anyone
who’s
followed
Trump’s
career
knows…
he
will
absolutely
forget
it.
Roberts
might
be
coming
to
grips
with
all
that
right
now.
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or
Bluesky
if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a
Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search.