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Hello, I’m the Contralorian, your friendly neighborhood law professor!
You see, I have controversial and contrarian takes. It is because I think outside the box. I’m unbiased, as you can see by my Beskar-laden whataboutism. You might not like my take on whether or not VP candidate Kamala Harris could, under the constitution, serve as vice president, but I’m going to point out that you didn’t say a peep about the same article written about Ted Cruz. Yeah, what about that? Excuse me, I have to zoom off with my jet pack to another hot take!
I have a keen take on how many countless lives have been lost because we’ve spent time assuring “needless diversity” in our tests of drugs. Lives have been lost, and I read a few articles about it (not peer-reviewed journal pieces, just newspapers). My controversial take is just a though piece. It’s meant to provoke discussion. Jeez.
I’m also teaching constitutional law this semester. It will be difficult because our republic (NOT A DEMOCRACY!) has been hijacked by serious election fraud. All those votes are clearly not legit (just the ones voting for Biden, not the other candidates). I point this out because if you are a student looking at my Twitter feed, rest assured I’ll be testing you on principles that you won’t really find on my Twitter. But like the originalist foundling of democracy, I have abandoned these principles with my historical enemies and moved on to bigger things.
I’m not a big fan of President Trump, and you can tell this because I just tweeted that I’m not a big fan of President Trump. It might seem like I’m defending him, but I’m really defending the integrity of the law by not letting the unthinking Twitter mob run roughshod over our republic.
When a member of Congress tweeted that we are a republic and not a democracy right on election eve, I was there to defend him: He is quite correct! What, he can’t point out the obvious in a tweet right before the election?
Why are all you liberals all verklempt about me asking hard-hitting questions? I’m so calmly distanced and above the fray, I can’t help but notice your mob behavior.
Hey, sometimes I make jokes. For example, if you’re an anti-Trump conservative, you ought to be the first one against the wall and shot in the new totalitarian state. Hahahahaha!! See? That’s funny, right? Lighten up, sheeple!
Being a contrarian is so much fun. You can claim that people are being irrational because they don’t subscribe to your logical point of view. It’s like you’re playing referee while being partisan all the time.
If you want to be a contrarian, you need to practice. Here are my first hot takes:
- I can’t help but notice that people who were upset when members of Congress were partying in disregard to COVID-19 safety have been COMPLETELY SILENT about Kirk Cameron’s COVID-19 antics.
- Some academics are upset about pardons. At the end of every presidency, people get pardoned. This time it may not be people you like, but it probably wasn’t people I liked last time. That’s why they happen at the end of presidencies.
- It’s funny how some people are upset about the defense bill veto. Particularly liberals. Funny how no one seemed upset by FDR’s 635 vetoes.
- There’s good reason not to call her Dr. Biden. It’s only for medical doctors. You don’t want to be choking in a restaurant and have someone ask for a doctor and then … [OK, you read that blog post from me last time].
So, dear students, while I write these blog posts, tweets, and hot takes in the press, I want you to remember to ground yourself in the law, the facts, and the policies behind the law. Don’t stray too far afield. Don’t fight the hypothetical given in the fact pattern of my exam.
But, there will be no bandwagons for me. Ever. Although there does seem to be a pattern to my contrarianism. I’m asking the hard questions. All of which lead down just one path. This is the way.
And the thing is: You’ve all been me. LPB has been me. You’re just not consistently like me. You take controversial viewpoints. You have hard takes. You have positions that aren’t popular. But I do it ALL THE TIME. That’s what makes ME special. And why I get the jet pack.
Sincerely,
The Contralorian, law professor and superhero in my own mind.
LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here. He is way funnier on social media, he claims. Please follow him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg) or Facebook. Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.