Reddit user feeling-likealoser asks the relationship subreddit how to deal with reactions when she tells them yes, she’s leaving her law firm job and no, she doesn’t have another job lined up.
The OP says they feel like a loser — hence the screen name — for taking some time off of the law firm rat race, but for my $.02, all I see is smart woman who knows what she needs even if it isn’t the same thing she’s worked the last 13 years for:
I (38F) resigned from being a partner at my law firm only to be unemployed and everyone around me questioning my decision.
I (38F) recently resigned from my position as a partner at a law firm that I have worked at for 13 years. I’ve been killing myself taking crazy assignments and working intense hours in order to further my career. I sacrificed so much for this company. Once I made it as partner, I realized that I was putting myself through a lot and the money just wasn’t worth it. While I made good money, I was not pulling in even 50% of the comp compared to my male partners that managed a book of business about 1/3 of my size. I’ve felt this way for a long long time but finally pulled the trigger after the partner in charge of my department didn’t make any of the changes I’d requested. I’m so burnt out I’m not looking for another position. I just want to be free of that toxic place and take the next 6 months or so to recover. Ever since I resigned, everyone in my life other than my husband has been questioning my decision even when I have clearly set boundaries. I have 3 more weeks with the firm and have agreed to transition the clients. Every client, coworker, family member, and friend has been in shock that I don’t have something lined up. They think it’s crazy to leave at the peak of my career in the middle of a pandemic. Honestly after all of this, I just need some time to myself. I’m completely drained. I don’t know how to best respond to this without ruining relationships or being way to personal with people that I don’t feel comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts. I feel like a complete loser that I don’t have something lined up but I really don’t have the energy anymore to put even a tiny bit of effort to find the next job.
What would you say to people when they ask why you are leaving and where you are going when 1) some are people you are not close with and 2) some are people you are very close with and care deeply about? Some coworkers I’ve known for a long time and I have really gone through the trenches. I don’t want to say anything that makes them feel bad about staying. I also feel like a complete failure when I say I’m taking time off. People are baffled and don’t understand why I wouldn’t work in my 30s.
TL;DR! I’m leaving my job of 13 years and don’t know how to respond to people that are baffled as to why I’m leaving at the height of my career to go nowhere.
For the record, in the comments the OP says she has no immediate financial concerns about her looming unemployment. So… yeah, she’s winning, because… Biglaw is fucking toxic. You can practically feel the misery seeping from her words, the brutal hours, the unfair origination credit, the sexism, and the desperation.
Maybe it’s just because as a recovering Biglaw attorney, I know a lot of former Biglaw people. And they are all happier now than they were in the midst of their Biglaw hell. I’d advise the OP that it doesn’t matter what other people think, and just tell them you’re doing what’s best for you right now. It’s both true and vague enough not to ruffle the feathers she’s concerned about.
And when the OP checks back in with folks after leaving her law firm far behind, they’ll be able to see the weight that’s been lifted off of her shoulders and how much happier she is, and they’ll understand why she had to leave.
Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, and host of The Jabot podcast. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter (@Kathryn1).