(Photographer:
Jabin
Botsford/The
Washington
Post/Bloomberg
via
Getty
Images)
Suppose
the
Democrats
chose
as
their
candidate
for
president
a
person
who
had
five
different
children
by
three
different
partners.
Suppose
that
person
were
a
Black
woman.
Suppose
that
person
were
named
Kamala
Harris.
I
can
only
imagine
the
Republicans’
reaction:
“How
could
Democrats
have
nominated
that
slut?
What
about
family
values?
The
candidate
is
a
disgrace!”
I
bet
it
would
be
worse
than
being
a
childless
cat-lady.
On
the
other
hand,
suppose
the
Republicans
chose
as
their
candidate
for
president
a
person
who
had
five
different
children
by
three
different
partners.
That
would
be
a
fine,
upstanding
person
—
indeed,
a
family
values
candidate.
The
candidate’s
name
would
be
Donald
Trump.
Just
count
the
kids
and
the
wives:
Donald
Jr.,
Ivanka,
and
Eric,
by
Ivana;
Tiffany,
by
Marla
Maples;
and
Barron,
by
Melania.
There’s
nothing
wrong
with
that,
of
course.
But
Republicans
are
launching
attacks
on
Harris
that
are
ridiculous
coming
from
the
mouths
of
people
who
support
Trump.
Republicans
are
now
assailing
Harris
because
she
dated
Willie
Brown
when
she
was
30-ish
and
he
was
60-ish.
(They
dated
for
about
two
years.)
Brown
was
legally
married
when
he
was
dating
Harris,
although
he
had
been
separated
from
his
wife
for
more
than
a
decade.
Brown
appointed
Harris
to
two
state
boards
in
1994,
while
they
were
dating.
The
Republican
critique
is
multifold:
Harris
dated
a
man
who
was
married!
And
the
man
was
30
years
her
senior!
And
the
man
appointed
her
to
state
boards,
proving
that
she
slept
her
way
to
the
top!
(I
heard
some
of
these
things
in
response
to
my column
of
two
weeks
ago
that
posed
some
difficult
questions
to
Trump
loyalists.
Trump
loyalists
get
very
mad
when
you
pose
difficult
questions
to
them.)
Before
you
get
all
hot
and
bothered
about
Harris’s
supposed
sexual
misdeeds,
slow
down
for
a
minute.
Donald
Trump
can
hear
about
all
of
Harris’s
conduct
and
tell
Kamala
just
one
thing:
“Hold
my
beer.”
Donald
and
Melania
are
24
years
apart
in
age.
I
guess
Trump
and
Brown
can
compare
notes
about
dating
younger
women.
Trump
was
married
to
Ivana
when
he
started
dating
Maples.
I
guess
Trump
and
Brown
can
compare
notes
about
dating
while
married
—
although
Brown
was
at
least
separated
from
his
wife
when
he
started
dating
Harris;
Trump
is
somewhat
less
of
a
family-values
guy.
Oh,
yes:
Trump
also
slept
with
a
porn
star
while
Melania
was
home
with
4-month-old
Barron.
And,
starting
at
roughly
the
same
time,
Trump
had
an
affair
with
Karen
McDougal,
which,
according
to
McDougal,
lasted
for
10
months.
During
those
10
months,
says
McDougal,
they
saw
each
other
“a
minimum
of
five
times
per
month.”
I
was
wrong.
It’s
not
“hold
my
beer.”
It’s
“hold
my
six
pack.”
Wait,
I
forgot:
Then
there’s
rape!
Let’s
be
accurate
here:
Technically,
there’s
a
jury
in
a
civil
case
finding
that
Trump
sexually
assaulted
E.
Jean
Carroll,
and
the
presiding
judge
later
saying
that,
in
the
common
vernacular,
Trump’s
conduct
constituted
rape.
I
wouldn’t
want
to
unfairly
disparage
a
presidential
candidate.
Doesn’t
rape
count
at
least
a
little
bit
when
we’re
weighing
sexual
misdeeds?
I
guess
we
should
revise
again
what
Trump
could
say
to
Harris:
It’s
actually,
“Hold
my
keg!”
What
about
the
second
half
of
the
Republicans’
criticism
of
Harris?
Brown
jump-started
Harris’s
career
by
appointing
her
to
two
state
boards.
I
feel
a
little
sympathy
for
this
argument.
I’m
sure
I
would
have
had
a
more
impressive
career
if
someone
had
appointed
me
to
two
state
boards
when
I
was
young.
But
Trump
was
given
a
$40
million
share
in
his
father’s
real
estate
company
in
1974.
If
Trump
had
done
no
work
whatsoever
—
if
he’d
simply
invested
the
$40
million
in
an
S&P
index
fund
—
the
$40
million
would
have
been
worth
$2.3
billion
to
$3.4
billion by
2015,
or
about
what
Trump
was
worth
at
the
time.
Having
someone
appoint
you
to
state
boards
is
nice,
but
you
still
have
to
work
for
a
living.
Having
daddy
give
you
$40
million
is
even
nicer:
Put
the
money
in
an
index
fund,
spend
all
your
time
playing
golf,
and
brag
about
how
you’re
a
great
businessman.
Republicans
are
now
engaged
in
yet
more
mudslinging.
JD
Vance
says
that
Tim
Walz
committed
the
military
wrong
of
“stolen
valor”
by
resigning
from
the
National
Guard
shortly
before
Walz’s
unit
was
deployed
to
Iraq.
Although
there
are
questions
around
the
edges,
apparently
Walz
retired,
after
more
than
20
years
of
service,
because
he
had
decided
to
run
for
Congress
and
couldn’t
run
his
political
campaign
from
overseas.
You
could
quibble
about
the
relevance
of
all
of
this.
Unless
you
were
Trump.
If
you
were
Trump,
you
could
say
only
one
thing:
“Tim
Walz:
Hold
my
brewery!”
Remember
that
Trump
was
of
military
age
during
the
Vietnam
War.
He
obtained
four
deferments
of
the
draft
while
he
was
in
college.
After
graduation,
Trump
found
a
physician
who
diagnosed
him
with
bone
spurs,
permitting
Trump
to
completely
avoid
military
service.
When
later
asked
about
his
condition,
Trump
couldn’t
remember
in
which
foot
the
disabling
bone
spurs
had
occurred.
If
mere
“stolen
valor”
after
24
years
of
military
service
is
bad,
where
does
Trump’s
conduct
fit
in
the
hierarchy?
I
really
don’t
mind
the
customary
mudslinging
involved
in
political
campaigns.
I’m
no
big
fan
of
a
political
system
that
forces
politicians
to
take
extreme
positions,
and
I
generally
don’t
approve
of
the
desire
for
self-aggrandizement
that
prompts
most
folks
to
enter
politics.
I’d
prefer
moderate
candidates
who
care
more
about
country
than
self.
But,
if
you’re
going
to
sling
mud
during
a
political
campaign,
at
least
be
biblical
about
it:
“Judge
not,
lest
ye
be
judged.”
Mark Herrmann
spent
17
years
as
a
partner
at
a
leading
international
law
firm
and
later
oversaw
litigation,
compliance
and
employment
matters
at
a
large
international
company.
He
is
the
author
of
The
Curmudgeon’s
Guide
to
Practicing
Law and Drug
and
Device
Product
Liability
Litigation
Strategy (affiliate
links).
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected].