Listen, it takes a lot to be the most self-important of all the lawyers. After all, we are a group that thinks pretty highly of ourselves. But sometimes an attorney makes a move that launches them into the stratosphere of lawyers with noteworthy egos. Like this email signature.
I know what you’re thinking. An email signature hardly seems like the venue for such a move, but trust— you haven’t seen an email signature like this before. Lane Jefferies of the Anastopoulo Law Firm in Charleston, South Carolina is getting dragged on Fits News for his pretentious email signature. The post script has extensive instructions — in two parts — detailing the “proper” way to get a hold of the lawyer who is apparently too damn busy to just read his emails like the rest of us proles. And he’s gaining quite the reputation over it, though it may not be the one he was hoping for:
Specifically, Jefferies is becoming something of a legend for having “the most unprofessional, insufferable, self-important, insolent, asshole electronic signature I have seen in my twenty years as a member of the bar,” one attorney told us.
So, what exactly does he say? Well hold on, it’s a doozy:
(1) Call my cell any day between 4:00 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. If I am not already on the phone with another opposing counsel, I will answer and spend up to five minutes on the phone with you. At the end of our five-minute talk, I may instruct my staff to schedule a longer meeting with you if you satisfy the criteria set forth in #2 below. Please note that I spend just five minutes on each call, so if I don’t answer when you call, wait a few minutes and try again. My cell is XXX-XXXX. Call only between 4:00 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. as I spend the rest of my day focused solely on achieving my clients’ goals.
But wait! There’s more! You have to check out condition #2 that his email signature sets out:
“Begin by providing my office with a specific agenda of items you would like to discuss,” he wrote. “Be sure to identify the tangible outcomes to be achieved as to each item, and persuasively describe how these outcomes, if achieved, would promote the greatest recovery for my client in the least amount of time and for the least expense.”
….“If your email persuades my staff that using my time to meet with you is legally required or is likely to be a worthy investment from the perspective of my client, then they will schedule a meeting (probably a meeting by phone initially),” the message continued.
….
“On the other hand, if you do not persuade my staff that scheduling a meeting is consistent with my promise to my clients not to try to do 1000 things at once that won’t contribute much, if anything, to the results we are trying to achieve, then no meeting will be scheduled (though you remain free to call any afternoon as described in #1 above),” the message continued. “Fair warning: generalized requests to ‘discuss the case’ or ‘talk about the status’ or the like will be considered conclusive evidence of a request to waste time, and no meeting will be scheduled.”
Jefferies concluded his missive by noting that his staff has “instituted the above procedure in order to accommodate your desire to speak with me by phone in a manner that does not interfere with my ethical obligation to to (sic) devote my time and attention to the pursuit of justice for my clients as quickly and economically as possible.”
Let’s be real here — this isn’t about his “pursuit of justice” it’s about feeling self-important and forcing your adversaries to jump through hoops to get your attention. (Also, side, note… 5 minutes?? Not even a full .1? This guy couldn’t make it more obvious he’s a plaintiffs’ lawyer if he tried.) It’s a naked power move, and it’s horse hockey. I’ve got news for Jefferies, you aren’t more important than other lawyers. Stop acting like you are.
Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, and host of The Jabot podcast. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter (@Kathryn1).