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I graduate at the top of my class at Harvard Law School. Afterward, the university’s president shuts down the school, since its mission of educating the best legal mind has been fulfilled.
I get a summer internship clerking for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She’s so inspired by meeting me that she lives for another hundred years. …
I become a senator, a Supreme Court Justice, and the President of the United States—all at the same time. The Constitution allows for that now; the country amended it because I’m so polite, dress extra nicely, and send prompt thank-you notes after interviews.
I die peacefully in my sleep at a hundred and seven years old, surrounded by my loving family. As I look back on my long and successful life, my final words are, “I’m so grateful that my mom told me not to pursue comedy, an unrealistic and fanciful career choice.”
— Johnathan Appel, a comedian and writer, telling the world how great his life would have been if he went to law school, according to his mother, in a hilarious piece published in the New Yorker.
Staci Zaretsky is a senior editor at Above the Law, where she’s worked since 2011. She’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email her with any tips, questions, comments, or critiques. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.