Elon
Musk
and
his
supposedly
10x
tech
bro
minions
posture
themselves
as
hardcore
programming
geniuses
swooping
in
to
save
the
budget.
As
it
happens,
these
dipshits
can’t
build
a
functional
website.
According
to
reporting
from
404
Media,
the
official-looking
DOGE.gov
website
—
the
ostensible
government
website
that’s
really
an
X
passthrough
for
Musk
propaganda
—
has
been
sitting
wide
open
for
anyone
to
push
updates.
You
can
just
go
over
there
and
make
it
say
whatever
you
want.
Don’t
worry,
it
appears
that
they’ve
got
read-write
access
to
the
entire
federal
government.
Isn’t
it
going
to
be
fun
when
these
guys
rewrite
NORAD
so
anyone
can
log
in
and
blast
out
“DEFCON
1
—
Baba
Booey,
Baba
Booey.”
Do
you
feel
safe
yet?
On
its
own,
this
might
be
funny
—
yet
another
example
of
the
serious,
experienced
professionals
at
DOGE
working
so
fast
and
loose
that
they
forgot
to
lock
the
front
door.
The
edits
people
playfully
added
are
mostly
innocuous,
but
let’s
not
lose
sight
of
the
big
picture:
this
is
an
administration
full
of
unserious
trolls
pretending
they
know
what
they’re
doing
while
making
critical,
reckless
mistakes.
Screencap
of
DOGE.gov
via
404
Media
Mindful,
demure,
etc.
Do
not
buy
it
when
the
pliant
mainstream
media
characterize
Elon
Musk’s
DOGE
shenanigans
as
some
sort
of
aggressive
audit.
An
audit
is
a
meticulous,
professional
endeavor
that
would
take
months
and
end
with
a
lengthy
report
mapping
out
federal
spending
with
a
thorough
understanding
of
the
domino
effects
that
any
change
could
trigger.
By
contrast
this
is
a
game
of
oversized
Jenga
down
at
the
hipster
bar…
except
with
the
foundations
of
Pax
Americana.
Musk
spent
the
entire
week
leveling
unhinged
vitriol
against
Judge
Paul
Engelmayer
for
issuing
a
TRO
delaying
DOGE
for
—
checks
notes
—
LESS
THAN
A
WEEK.
They’re
frothing
at
the
mouth
about
impeachment
and
it’s
not
even
a
permanent
injunction!
In
the
words
of
Brian
Windhorst…
Because
this
is
not
an
audit,
it’s
a
speedrun.
Musk
and
his
band
of
merry
tweebs
live
in
a
video
game
world
and
it
shows.
Lonely
teen
nerds
running
a
macabre
reverse
speed
dating
service
making
people
interview
to
not
be
laid
off
and
find
Love
in
the
Time
of
Cholera
by
bringing
cholera
back.
The
speedrun
mindset
is
all
about
getting
to
the
finish
line
no
matter
how
much
violence
it
does
to
the
game
itself.
It’s
why
the
speedrun
community
is
rife
with
people
trying
to
use
cheat
codes
and
why
Musk
keeps
trying
to
warp
through
the
walls
of
multiple
statutes.
Figuring
out
a
speedrun
involves
a
lot
of
reckless
trial
and
error.
Normally
the
only
consequence
is
having
to
hit
reset.
This
time
it’s
losing
America’s
status
as
the
global
reserve
currency.
Potato,
po-tah-to.
DOGE’s
incompetence
is
more
feature
than
bug.
One
of
its
boy
geniuses
publicly
posted
about
using
random,
unvetted
AI
algorithms
to
convert
massive
amounts
of
data
raising
the
specter
of
a
data
breach
of
epic
proportions.
Then
it
seems
they
went
ahead
and
did
that
with
Department
of
Education
data.
Cybersecurity
should
be
the
hottest
tech
topic
for
lawyers
in
2025.
When
I
said
that
a
few
months
ago,
the
new
administration
had
already
committed
to
starting
a
trade
war
with
America’s
most
technologically
advanced
adversaries
while
simultaneously
threatening
to ditch
the
global
cyber
regime, slash
the
Cybersecurity
and
Infrastructure
Security
Agency,
and
put
Kristi
Noem
in
at
Homeland
Security
despite
being
the
only
governor
who
turned
down
FREE
cybersecurity
money.
Even
I
hadn’t
contemplated
that
they’d
start
futzing
with
the
entire
stockpile
of
confidential
government
information.
It’s
only
a
matter
of
time
before
they
wander
into
the
DOJ’s
systems,
jeopardizing
ongoing
criminal
investigations
by
blasting
out
a
sick
meme
about
Big
Puss
wearing
a
wire.
Enjoy
decades
of
litigation,
gang!
The
charitable
reading
is
that
these
dorks
built
an
easily
hacked
publicity
website
because
they’re
SO
BUSY
on
the
important
stuff.
Perhaps.
But
given
that
DOGE’s
dear
leader
can’t
stop
Tweeting
out
every
thought
that
crosses
his
addled
brain
it’s
hard
to
believe
this
website
was
a
low
priority.
It’s
much
more
likely
that
these
hardcore
coders
are
either
not
as
preternaturally
skilled
as
they
like
to
posture
or
that
their
refusal
to
take
half
a
second
to
check
their
work
routinely
results
in
massive
cock
ups.
Or
both.
Either
way,
it’s
not
exactly
comforting
that
the
people
with
access
to
the
entire
federal
government
can’t
even
set
up
a
basic
website.
Anyone
Can
Push
Updates
to
the
DOGE.gov
Website
[404
Media]
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or
Bluesky
if
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Joe
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