Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Amanda M. Fisher back to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.
We were exhausted before the pandemic isolated us — before we were hiding in home offices, bedrooms, bathrooms, or closets for a few minutes of quiet — before we were juggling caretaking on top of working and fear, without being able to compartmentalize. Now, nearly a year in, a collective exhaustion has settled over everyone. Women have suffered more than men during this pandemic, but women of color have borne the brunt of the pandemic’s collateral effects. We are more than tired, more than betrayed — we are having an identity crisis.
Every individual’s identity consists of various roles — little bits forming the whole of who we are. Identity Theory relies on a self-categorization process and centers on an individual’s various roles. Although these roles are often self-selected, they also reflect societal expectations. The result is that our identity is partly how we view ourselves and partly how we think society views us based on outward expectations.
Think about how you would respond to the question, “Who are you?” I would respond that I am a mother, a lawyer, a professor, a spouse, a student — the list could go on for quite some time. My response would be curated based on who was asking the question. What does this person need to know about me, and in what order should I list my roles based on my goals for this conversation? This ordering of roles is related to identity salience.
At its most basic form, identity salience refers to how important one role or identity is to an individual within a specific context. As context changes, salience changes. For example, when teaching law students, my role as professor is most salient, with my role as lawyer a close second. Spending time with my son, my role as mother is most salient. I think of this as my own personal deck of cards that make up my identity. Each card has one role. I can choose which card to play based on the situation I am in. When my context changes (e.g., work versus home), I can change cards as needed.
Role shuffling is not necessarily difficult when external forces change our contexts. The office, the classroom, at home — these are places where society largely dictates who we are within those bounds and which role will be most salient.
But what happens when our contexts converge? When every role happens in the same place because we are working from home, our kids are learning from home, and we do not have the ability to create contextual space between our roles?
For many women, the pandemic consolidated everything at once. The kids are home (Mom), the work emails are flooding in (Lawyer), the students are panicking about midterms (Professor), and the spouses are asking about what groceries we need (Spouse). This means we are no longer able to shuffle through our identity deck of cards to remove and replace roles as needed. Instead, we are carrying the entire deck of cards, face up, all of the time, and we barely know who we are anymore. We are in survival mode, and we have been for nearly a year.
So, what now?
We need to find ways to create contextual space between our roles. We need to be able to focus, separately, on our obligations if we have any hope of preserving our sense of self as the pandemic wears on. We cannot continue to carry our roles and identities stacked on top of one another. The deck is too heavy. We need space to shuffle them, to set them down from time to time, and we need structures that allow us to do that. We need change, and we need it immediately.
- Personal Support Systems: Not everyone has the privilege of a personal support system (spouse, family, friends), but for those who do, we need to call on them. When we do call on them, we need those systems to respond, to come to our aid. It is hard enough to ask, so let’s all be supportive and encouraging in ways that seem extraordinary. Send a meal over to a neighbor or friend who is juggling more than usual. Offer to help with childcare if you can safely do so with the people who are in your pandemic bubble. Encourage one another to prioritize rest.
- Employers: If employers are aware of this identity crisis, they can help employees create space between roles. Flexibility, for example, might be possible in this virtual environment even if it was not an option before the world shifted. Employers might consider allowing varied work hours rather than traditional schedules. Another consideration might be allowing employees to choose a part-time package, temporarily or permanently, based on the employees’ needs. Finally, employees need to know that employers do not expect them to work around the clock and that sustaining boundaries is encouraged. After all, working mothers make better employees.
The pandemic has set women’s progress in the workforce back by decades. It will take significant effort and prioritization, by individuals and institutions, to get back to where we were in 2019. Working mothers are in crisis, and if we crumble, society’s scaffolding will fall.
Amanda M. Fisher is an Associate Attorney at Richardson | Ober | DeNichilo LLP and a Ph.D. Candidate at the University of California, Irvine in Criminology, Law & Society. She is researching gendered stigma in the legal profession in the southern United States. If you are a Florida attorney, you can participate in Amanda’s research here. Amanda is also a Visiting Assistant Professor at WMU-Cooley Law School in Tampa, Florida. You can follow her on Twitter or reach her via email at fishera@cooley.edu.