Revenue Is Going Up, Up, Up At The Biggest Biglaw Firms – Above the Law



Ed.
note
:
Welcome
to
our
daily
feature,

Quote
of
the
Day
.


It’s
going
to
be
one
of
the
strongest
years
on
record.
There
is
a
lot
of
good
news
in
these
nine
months
of
results.




Gretta
Rusanow,
managing
director
and
head
of
advisory
services
at
Citi
Law
Firm
Group,
in
comments
given
to

Bloomberg
Law
,
on
Biglaw’s
boosted
revenue
through
the
first
three
quarters
of
2024
compared
to
last
year.
“We
continue
to
see
demand
momentum
build
from
one
quarter
to
the
next,”
Rusanow
said.
Per
Citi’s
figures,
law
firm
revenue
grew
about
12%,
with
the
biggest
firms
posting
the
biggest
gains,
at
14%
for
the
top
50
largest
firms.
Demand
at
the
50
largest
firms
grew
3.6%,
with
productivity
climbing
by
2.9%.



Staci ZaretskyStaci
Zaretsky
 is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law,
where
she’s
worked
since
2011.
She’d
love
to
hear
from
you,
so
please
feel
free
to

email

her
with
any
tips,
questions,
comments,
or
critiques.
You
can
follow
her
on

X/Twitter

and

Threads

or
connect
with
her
on

LinkedIn
.

Disbarred Attorney Defrauded $1.2M From Clients – Above the Law

One
of
the
best
things
about
hiring
a
lawyer
is
that
they
work
on
your
behalf.
Sure,
they
can
be
expensive,
but
the
value
you
gain
in
return
should
be
worth
more
than
the
money
you
spend.
Unless,
of
course,
they
just
take
your
money
without
the
whole
working
for
it
thing.
On
the
bright
side,
that’s
usually
grounds
for
them
to
get
disbarred.

AOL

has
coverage:

A
disbarred
real
estate
attorney
from
Hazlet
admitted
that
he
fleeced
60
clients
out
of
$1.2
million
in
escrow
funds
by
failing
to
do
work
on
real
estate
deals.

Steven
H.
Salami,
49,
pleaded
guilty
before
Superior
Court
Judge
Christie
Bevacqua
to
a
charge
of
financial
facilitation
of
criminal
activity,
an
offense
that
carries
a
penalty
of
up
to
10
years
in
prison,
Monmouth
County
Prosecutor
Raymond
S.
Santiago
said
Wednesday.

Offering
context
for
his
client’s
actions,
Salami’s
attorney
noted
that
his
client
had
a
serious
substance
abuse
and
gambling
problem
for
years.
That
doesn’t
excuse
the
fact
that
he
failed
to
do
good
by
his
clients,
but
it
may
be
an
opportunity
for
his
clients
and
the
judges
to
empathize
with
his
predicament.
Considering
the
New
Jersey
Fund
for
Client
Protection
reimbursed
his
victims
and
the
state
is
expected
to
restitute
the
misappropriated
funds,
there’s
a
clear
opportunity
for
him
to
redeem
himself.
And
who
knows,

he
may
even
be
allowed
to
practice
again
after
he
repays
his
debt
to
society
.

If
you
or
someone
you
know
is
struggling
with
gambling
addiction
and
is
in
need
of
help,
the

National
Problem
Gambling
Hotline
 has
resources
for
you.
There
is
also
lawyer
assistance
program
 in
your
state
that
may
be
able
to
help
you.
(Don’t
be
fooled
by
the
name;
these
programs
also
provide
services
to
law
students).
Please
reach
out
if
you
need
assistance.


Disbarred
Hazlet
Real
Estate
Lawyer
Admits
To
Defrauding
60
Clients
Out
Of
$1.2
Million

[AOL]


Earlier:


Were
You
Disbarred
In
New
Jersey?
You
May
Be
Eligible
To
Practice
Again
.



Chris
Williams
became
a
social
media
manager
and
assistant
editor
for
Above
the
Law
in
June
2021.
Prior
to
joining
the
staff,
he
moonlighted
as
a
minor
Memelord™
in
the
Facebook
group Law
School
Memes
for
Edgy
T14s
.
 He
endured
Missouri
long
enough
to
graduate
from
Washington
University
in
St.
Louis
School
of
Law.
He
is
a
former
boatbuilder
who
cannot
swim, a
published
author
on
critical
race
theory,
philosophy,
and
humor
,
and
has
a
love
for
cycling
that
occasionally
annoys
his
peers.
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected] and
by
tweet
at @WritesForRent.

How To Scare A Lawyer: The Winner – Above the Law

On
Halloween,
we
wondered
what
our
readers
thought
would scare
a
lawyer
 the
most.
As
first
seen
on
Facebook’s Shit
Women
With
Law
Degrees
Say
,
there
are
some
phrases
that
will
simply
make
lawyers
cower
in
fear.
But
which
phrases
are
the
scariest
of
all?
Last
week,
we
unveiled
the
10
most
terrifying
finalists,
and
today,
we’re
sharing
the
winner.

Scare a Lawyer 4 Words

(Image
via
Shit
Women
with
Law
Degrees
Say)

What
four-word
phrase
will
absolutely,
positively
scare
the
crap
out
of
a
lawyer?

This
frightening
phrase
took
home
27%
of
the
overall
vote.
“President
Trump
retained
you”
was
our
second-place
finisher,
with
23%
of
the
total
vote.

Please
don’t
destroy
those
documents,
folks.
You
don’t
want
to
give
your
lawyer
a
heart
attack.



Staci ZaretskyStaci
Zaretsky
 is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law,
where
she’s
worked
since
2011.
She’d
love
to
hear
from
you,
so
please
feel
free
to

email

her
with
any
tips,
questions,
comments,
or
critiques.
You
can
follow
her
on

X/Twitter

and

Threads

or
connect
with
her
on

LinkedIn
.

You Don’t Believe In Free Markets And Free Speech If You’re Demanding Criminal Charges Against People For Their Free Market, Free Speech Decisions – Above the Law

Marc
Andreessen,
the
influential
venture
capitalist,
is
exhibiting
a
startling
disconnect
between
his
stated
beliefs
in
free
markets
and
free
speech,
and
his
recent
authoritarian
threats
against
those
who
disagree
with
him.

In
recent
statements,
Andreessen
has
threatened
criminal
charges
against
advertisers
choosing
not
to
associate
with
certain
platforms
and
accused
an
imaginary
“government-university-company
censorship
apparatus”
of
violating
free
speech
rights.
These
authoritarian
demands
completely
contradict
the
free
market
and
free
speech
principles
Andreessen
claims
to
champion
in
his
“techno-optimist
manifesto.”

As
a
board
member
of
Meta
with
inside
knowledge
of
content
moderation
practices,
Andreessen
should
know
better.
His
descent
into
promoting
baseless
conspiracy
theories
and
attacking
the
very
rights
he
purports
to
defend
is
deeply
troubling.

Over
the
last
few
years,
Andreessen’s
views
on
innovation
have
taken
him
down
a
path
that
often
seems
detached
from
reality.
It
started
with him
claiming
that
Elon
Musk
is
“pro
free
speech,”
 when
it
was
blatantly
obvious
that
he
was not
even
remotely
supportive
of
free
speech
.

Things
got
worse
last
year
when
Andreessen
published
his
bizarre
Techno-Optimist
Manifesto
,”
which
had
plenty
of
good,
but
non-controversial,
ideas
in
it,
and
then
a
few
that
made
no
sense,
including
claiming
that
“trust
&
safety”
was
an
“enemy
of
progress.” I
wrote
a
long
response
to
it
 as
my
final
post
of
last
year,
noting
that
avoiding
breaking
shit
that
doesn’t
need
to
be
broken
(the
role
of
“trust
&
safety”)
isn’t
holding
back
progress,
it’s
making
sure
that
innovation
and
progress
proceeds
in
a
way
that
more
people
are
willing
to
adopt
rather
than
freak
out
about.

Earlier
this
year,
Andreessen
made
a
big
bet
on
Donald
Trump
for
President,
and
now
he’s
won
that
bet.
He
claimed
he
only
supported
Trump
because
he
believed
Trump
was
better
for
what
he
calls
his
“Little
Tech
Agenda.”
Historically,
I
would
have
expected
him
not
to
leap
to
the
gloating
stage
so
quickly,
but
I
was
wrong.
He’s
spent
a
few
days
basically
showing
that
his
supposed
“Little
Tech
Agenda”
gets
tossed
out
the
window
when
he
gets
near
the
hands
of
power,
to
the
point
that
he
is
looking
to
weaponize
the
criminal
justice
system
to
punish
his
perceived
critics.

Andreessen
seems
to
ignore
that
his
plan
to
punish
people
completely
obliterates
what
he
claimed
he
believed
in
his
“tech
optimist
manifesto.”
So
let’s
go
through
a
bit
of
it.
In
the
manifesto,
he
writes:


We
believe
free
markets
are
the
most
effective
way
to
organize
a
technological
economy.
Willing
buyer
meets
willing
seller,
a
price
is
struck,
both
sides
benefit
from
the
exchange
or
it
doesn’t
happen.
Profits
are
the
incentive
for
producing
supply
that
fulfills
demand.
Prices
encode
information
about
supply
and
demand.
Markets
cause
entrepreneurs
to
seek
out
high
prices
as
a
signal
of
opportunity
to
create
new
wealth
by
driving
those
prices
 down.

I
agree
with
that
sentiment.
But
Andreessen’s
recent
actions
contradict
it.
On
ExTwitter,
Andreessen
wrote:

That’s
him
tweeting:


The
orchestrated
advertiser
boycott
against
X
and
popular
podcasts
must
end
immediately.
Conspiracy
in
restraint
of
trade
is
a
prosecutable
crime.

He’s
wrong.
To
an
extraordinary
degree.
Conspiracy
in
restraint
of
trade
applies
to
collusive
behavior
to harm
competitors
.
In
1982,
the
Supreme
Court
made
clear
that boycotts
are
a
form
of
expression
,
protected
by
the
First
Amendment.
The
only
exceptions
are
if
those
boycotts
were
done
for
“illegal
aims.”
And
“sorry,
we
don’t
want
to
advertise
on
your
site”
is
not
an
“illegal
aim.”

It’s
especially
galling
since
choosing
not
to
advertise
is
clearly
part
of
both
the
free
market
and
the
free
speech
right
not
to
associate.
The
only
cases
where
boycotts
may
be
illegal
is
if
they
are
in
pursuit
of
something
illegal,
such
as
for
antitrust
purposes,
like
when
Toys
R
Us
used
its
(then!)
dominant
position
to block
toy
makers
from
selling
to
Costco
.
But
advertisers
deciding
“we
don’t
want
our
ads
showing
up
on
Elon
Musk’s
Hellsite”
are
making
a
business
decision.

You
know,
like
what
free
markets
enable?
Willing
buyer.
Willing
seller.
Except
here,
some
of
the
buyers
aren’t
willing.
And
Marc
is
claiming
that’s
criminal.

His
misunderstanding
of
free
speech
continued.

That’s
him
saying:


Everyone
involved
in
the
longstanding
illegal
joint
government-university-company
censorship
apparatus
should
take
care
to
preserve
their
files
and
communications.
Sunlight
is
coming.

First
of
all,
you
don’t
issue
litigation
holds
by
tweet.
That’s
not
how
any
of
that
works.
Second,
there
is
no
“joint
government-university-company
censorship
apparatus.”
That’s
literally
not
a
thing
that
exists.
We’ve
talked
about
this
quite
a
bit
here
at
Techdirt,
and
even
the
Supreme
Court
just
recently
pointed
out
(in a
ruling
written
by
Amy
Coney
Barrett
)
that
there
appears
to
be
no
evidence
of
such
a
thing
existing
(other
than
a
bunch
of
made
up
nonsense
by
a
bunch
of
grifters).

There
were
a
bunch
of
university
researchers studying the
flow
of
disinformation,
mostly
around
voter
intimidation
and
the
like.
One
government
agency,
CISA,
did
team
up
with
some
of
those
researchers
to
act
as
a
clearing
house
for
connecting
election
officials
who
might
see
potentially
problematic
voter
information,
such
as
false
information
about
where,
how,
or
when
to
vote.
Through
this
effort sometimes that
information
would
be
flagged
to
companies to
review
against
their
own
policies
.

This
was
nothing
controversial
or
problematic.
Every
company
has
their
own
policies
on
what
they
allow.
Most
companies
don’t
want
to
enable
election
interference,
so
they
say
“hey,
maybe
we
shouldn’t
allow
information
that
tells
people
to
vote
on
the
wrong
day,
because
maybe
that
violates
our
rules.”

As
we’ve
explained
multiple
times,
even
as
these
researchers
flagged
some
content
for
the
companies
to
review,
the
companies
quite
frequently did
nothing
in
response
 and
there
were
no
threats
or
legal
consequences
as
a
result.
Flagging
is
something anyone can
do
(still,
to
this
day,
if
you
find
something
that
you
think
violates
the
rules
on
any
social
media
platform,
you
can
flag
it,
just
like
these
researchers
did).

Again, Stanford’s
report
 on
what
happened
stated
that
the
social
media
companies
kept
up
nearly
every
reported
URL,
and
in
the
small
number
of
cases
when
they
took
action,
they
mostly
focused
on adding
more
speech
 (which
is
a
very
“marketplace
of
ideas”
concept)
such
as
pointing
out
that
mail-in
ballots
are,
in
fact,
pretty
damn
safe
and
secure.


We
find,
overall,
that
platforms
took
action
on
35%
of
URLs
that
we
reported
to
them.
21%
of
URLs
were
labeled,
13%
were
removed,
and
1%
were
soft
blocked.
No
action
was
taken
on
65%.
TikTok
had
the
highest
action
rate:
actioning
(in
their
case,
their
only
action
was
removing)
64%
of
URLs
that
the
EIP
reported
to
their
team.)

I
need
to
repeat
this
because
it
seems
to
keep
getting
lost
every
time
I
write
about
this. Anyone can
report
things
to
social
media
companies.
It’s
the
“report”
button
you
see
all
over
the
place.
These
academic
researchers
did
report
stuff
to
the
companies,
and only
13%
of
that
content
was
removed
.
And
even
that’s
distorted,
because
TikTok
removed
64%
of
URLs
reported
because
TikTok
doesn’t
care.
So,
the
reality
is
that
the
other
companies
(mainly
Facebook,
Instagram,
and
Twitter)
removed
less
than
10%
of
what
was
flagged
by
folks.
Some
of
them
they
“labeled”
which
is
just
“more
speech”
in
the
marketplace
of
ideas.
And
the
rest
they
left
alone.

And
even
if
you
claim
that
the
13%
of
removed
links
is
too
much,
the
details
suggest
you’re
wrong
about
that
as
well.
The
report
showed
that
the
largest
%
of
content
that
was
removed
after
researchers
reported
it
was
related
to
phishing
scams.
In
other
words,
people
posted
election-related
content
that
was
made
to
trick
people
into
giving
up
their
personal
info,
and
it
was
reported
to
the
companies
and
they
removed
it
to
protect
users.

This
is
not
a
censorship
scandal.
This
isn’t
a
“joint
government-university-company
censorship
apparatus.”
This
is
“local
election
officials
were
scared
about
scams
and
election
interference,
and
wanted
to
be
able
to
report
it
to
companies
to
review,
and
some
academics
who
were
studying
disinformation
helped.”

Sounds
a
lot
less
problematic
that
way,
right?

And
here’s
the
thing: Marc
Andreessen
knows
all
this
.

Because
Marc
Andreessen,
who
claims
he
does
everything
in
support
of
his
“Little
Tech
Agenda,” is
on
the
board
of
Meta
,
one
of
the
biggest
“Big
Tech”
companies
there
is.
And,
over
the
last
few
days,
I’ve
spoken
to
way
too
many
current
and
former
executives
at
Meta
(many
of
whom
are
frustrated),
who
all
made
it
clear
to
me
that
in
Marc’s
role
on
the
board he
has
been
directly
briefed
on
what
is
happening
regarding
disinfo/trust
&
safety
efforts
and
why
it’s
not
nefarious
.

I
don’t
know
if
Marc
ignored
those
briefings.

I
don’t
know
if
he
forgot
those
briefings.

I
don’t
know
if
he
doesn’t
care
that
he’s
misrepresenting
reality.

But
I
do
know
that
Meta
execs
are
not
particularly
thrilled
that
he’s
now
spreading
a
nonsense
conspiracy
theory
suggesting
that
the
very
company
he
is
on
the
board
of
is
somehow
engaged
in
First
Amendment
violating
state
action,
a
thing
that
every
court
that
has
looked
at
this
issue fully has
rejected
completely.

Because
this
is
not
a
thing:

That’s
Andreessen
claiming
that
“every
participant
in
the
orchestrated
government-university-nonprofit-company
censorship
machine
of
the
last
decade
can
be
charged
criminally
under
one
or
both
of
these
federal
laws.”
The
“federal
laws”
he’s
talking
about
are 18
USC
241
 and 18
USC
242
:
“Conspiracy
against
rights”
and
“Deprivation
of
rights.”

These
are
both
laughable
claims.

Your
“rights”
do
not
grant
you
the
freedom
to
use
someone
else’s
private
property
for
your
own
purpose.
Again,
you
would
think
that
Mr.
“we
believe
in
free
markets”
and
“willing
buyer
meets
willing
seller”
and
“I’m
on
the
board
of
Meta”
would
at
some
point
realize
that
part
of
the
free
market
where
willing
buyer
meets
willing
seller
is
that
private
property
rights
matter.
If
the
private
property
owner
doesn’t
want
you
on
their
property,
they
can
get
you
to
leave.

Even
if
we’re
just
looking
at
this
through
the
free
speech
lens,
the
right
of
free
speech has
to
 include
the
right
of
association,
and
that
includes
the
right
not
to
associate.

Marc
must
believe
that
too,
because
I’m
pretty
sure
that
if
I
showed
up
at
one
of
Marc’s many
mansions
 and
started
screaming
on
his
lawn,
he
would
have
me
forcibly
removed.
That
would
be
his
right
as
a
private
property
owner.
Is
that
“depriving
me
of
my
free
speech
rights”?
Of
course
not,
because
Marc
has
no
obligation
to
allow
me
to
speak
on
his
property.

The
same
is
true
of
Meta,
on
whose
board
Marc
sits.
It
has
no
obligation
to
enable
anyone’s
speech.
Their
property.
Their
rules.
And
yes,
it’s
true
that
the
government
can’t
forcibly
remove
speech,
but
there’s
no
evidence
that
happened.
Instead,
you
had
some
academics
and
non-profits
who
used
their
own
free
speech
rights
(which
Marc
seems
to
think
don’t
exist)
to
share
their
thoughts
with
the
companies,
sometimes
highlighting
content
they
thought
broke
the
company’s
rules,
or
sometimes
advocating
for
different
rules.
Which
is
their
free
speech.

The
only
way
speech
“rights”
can
be
deprived
is
via state
action
,
which
has
to
involve
the
government.
And
yes,
Marc
wants
to
keep
arguing
that
the
government
is
involved
in
this
“government-university-nonprofit-company
censorship
machine”
but
as
the
Supreme
Court
noted
just
a
few
months
ago,
what
is
happening
does
not,
in
any
way,
appear
to
be
state
action
to
deprive
people
of
their
rights.

At worst, government
actors
were
trying
to persuade private
actors
to
act
differently,
which
is
allowed.
The
problem
only
comes
in
when
the
government
tries
to force action
through
threats
and
coercion.
Yet
no
one
has
turned
up
any
evidence
of
that.

Unlike
Marc,
the
Supreme
Court
appears
to
be
adept
at
differentiating
between
cases
involving
potential
government
coercion.
In
the
Murthy
case,
the
majority
opinion
authored
by
Justice
Barrett
found
no
evidence
of
coercion
against
social
media
companies.
And
the
plaintiffs
in
that
case
tried
every
angle
they
could
and
threw
a
ton
of
ideas
against
the
wall.
Conversely,
in
the
Vullo
case,
heard
on
the
same
day,
the
Court unanimously
agreed
 that
a
New
York
official’s
demand
for
insurance
companies
to
deny
coverage
to
the
NRA
constituted
coercion
and
violated
the
First
Amendment.

In
short,
the
Supreme
Court
knows
when
the
government
is
depriving
people
of
their
free
speech
rights
and
didn’t
see
that
(at
all)
in
how
social
media
companies
do
content
moderation.

Again,
I
know
that
plenty
of
internet
randos
and
highly
motivated
partisans
have
been
misrepresenting
this
reality
for
a
few
years
now.
And
it’s
pointless
to
respond
to
them.

But,
of
all
the
people
in
the
world,
Marc
Andreessen
should
know
what’s
actually
going
on.
Multiple
Meta
execs
told
me
that
he’s
been
told
about
it.
Yet
he’s
making
a
mockery
of
his
own
“manifesto”
by
supporting
the
literal
criminalization
of
being
a
“non-willing
buyer”
in
a
marketplace
where
he
has
a
stake.
He
undermines
his
own
claims
of
supporting
free
speech
by
suggesting
it’s
criminal
for
private
property
owners
to
decide
whose
speech
to
associate
with.
He’s
further
contradicting
his
free
speech
stance
by
threatening
criminal
action
against
academics
and
non-profits
who
use
their
free
speech
to
criticize
companies
where
Marc
Andreessen
is
either
an
equity
holder
(ExTwitter)
or
a
board
member
(Meta).

And
that’s
not
“techno
optimism.”
It’s
certainly
not
a
“little
tech
agenda.”
If
you
can
force
companies
to
do
the
bidding
of
the
biggest
tech
companies
out
there,
while
simultaneously
creating
criminal
charges
for
merely
saying
“hey,
does
this
violate
your
rules?”
you’re
creating
a
world
in
which
startups
will
be
loathe
to
do
business,
out
of
fear
of
what
arbitrary
nonsense
the
Marc
Andreessen/Elon
Musk/Donald
Trumps
of
the
world
will
impose
on
them.

At
Techdirt,
we
frequently
call
out
hypocrisy
and
inconsistencies
from
public
figures.
In
many
cases,
these
stem
from
ignorance
or
misunderstanding
of
the
complex
issues
around
technology
and
policy.
What’s
so
troubling
here
is
that
Marc
is
not
ignorant
of
what
has
happened.
He
has
had
these
things
explained
to
him.
Yet
he
is
misrepresenting
them
to
a
very
large
audience,
riling
them
up
to
believe
things
that
are
simply
not
true.
This
goes
beyond
mere
inconsistency

it’s
a
direct
distortion
of
reality
from
someone
who
should,
and
likely
does,
know
better.

The
end
result
may
be
that
he
gets
to
punish
his
perceived
enemies
if
the
Trump
administration
is
willing
to
take
such
marching
orders,
but
it
doesn’t
change
the
fact
that
he
is
misrepresenting
reality.
In
doing
so,
he’s
not
just
violating
his
own
stated
principles,
but
undermining
public
understanding
of
critical
issues
around
free
speech
and
platform
responsibility.
For
someone
who
claims
to
be
a
“techno-optimist,”
that’s
a
deeply
pessimistic
and
damaging
approach.


You
Don’t
Believe
In
Free
Markets
And
Free
Speech
If
You’re
Demanding
Criminal
Charges
Against
People
For
Their
Free
Market,
Free
Speech
Decisions


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Law-Related
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TikTok
Ban
For
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Benefit
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Billionaire
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Ukraine
Denied
EU
Trademark
For
‘Russian
Warship,
Go
Fuck
Yourself’


Seventh
Circuit
Again
Says
Long-Term
Pole
Camera
Surveillance
Isn’t
Unconstitutional

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.

The Onion Peels Infowars – Above the Law

The
Onion
had
the
chance
to
do
the
funniest
thing.
And
they
did
it!
This
morning,
the
satirical
website’s
CEO
Ben
Collins
announced
that
his
company
was
the
winning
bidder
in
the
auction
for
the
Infowars
assets.

The
company’s
satirical
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder

explained


that
the
decision
was
“an
easy
one
for
the
Global
Tetrahedron
executive
board.”

Founded
in
1999
on
the
heels
of
the
Satanic
“panic”
and
growing
steadily
ever
since, InfoWars has
distinguished
itself
as
an
invaluable
tool
for
brainwashing
and
controlling
the
masses.
With
a
shrewd
mix
of
delusional
paranoia
and
dubious
anti-aging
nutrition
hacks,
they
strive
to
make
life
both
scarier
and
longer
for
everyone,
a
commendable
goal.
They
are
a
true
unicorn,
capable
of
simultaneously
inspiring
public
support
for
billionaires
and
stoking
outrage
at
an
inept
federal
state
that
can
assassinate
JFK
but
can’t
even
put
a
man
on
the
Moon.

Through
it
all, InfoWars has
shown
an
unswerving
commitment
to
manufacturing
anger
and
radicalizing
the
most
vulnerable
members
of
society—values
that
resonate
deeply
with
all
of
us
at
Global
Tetrahedron.

The
guys
who
brought
you
the
recurring
headline
“‘No
Way
To
Prevent
This,’
Says
Only
Nation
Where
This
Regularly
Happens,”
will
now
own
the
media
outlet
used
by
smear
merchant
Alex
Jones
to
defame
the
families
of
victims
of
the
Sandy
Hook
shooting.
And
the
purchase
was
financed,
at
least
in
part,
with
a
multi-year
advertising
commitment
from
Everytown
for
Gun
Safety,
the
gun
violence
prevention
non-profit
which
is
itself
financed
by
Michael
Bloomberg.

In
addition
to
The
Onion,
through
its
parent
company
Global
Tetrahedron,
the
deal
includes
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
who
filed
in
Connecticut
(but
not
the
Texas
plaintiffs).

From
bankruptcy
trustee
Christopher
Murray’s

notice

of
the
successful
bid:

In
his
reasonable
business
judgment,
the
Trustee
has
designated
the
joint
bid
by
Global
Tetrahedron,
LLC
(“Global
Tetrahedron”)
and
the
Connecticut
Families
as
the
Successful
Bid
at
the
IP
Assets
Auction
and
Global
Tetrahedron
and
the
Connecticut
Families,
jointly,
as
the
Successful
Bidder.

“By
divesting
Jones
of
Infowars’
assets,
the
families
and
the
team
at
The
Onion
have
done
a
public
service
and
will
meaningfully
hinder
Jones’s
ability
to
do
more
harm,”
their
attorney
Chris
Mattei
told
the

New
York
Times
.

Jones
appears
to
be
taking
it
well.

Earlier
this
week,
he
seemed
optimistic
that
a
fellow
troll
would
pony
up
the
cash
to
buy
the
business
in
the
bankruptcy
sale
of
his
assets
and
allow
him
to
continue
to
run
it.

CNN

reported
that
one
of
his
allies
had
made
a
“seven
figure
offer”
for
the
bankruptcy
assets.
But
it
would
appear
that
Jones,
who
notably
tried
to
buy
off
the
Sandy
Hook
plaintiffs
with
a
measly
$10
million,
undershot
again.

It’s
not
clear
whether
this
ally
was
the
backup
bidder
First
United
American
Companies,
LLC,
nor
is
it
clear
who
is
the
AC
that
this
LLC
is
FU-ing.
FUAC
is
represented
by
a
Texas
attorney
named
Walter
Cicack,
who
previously
represented
Charlie
Cicack,
whom
the
New
York
Times
described
as
“an
entrepreneur
who
had
sold
products
through
Free
Speech
Systems
in
the
past.”
Charlie
Cicack
was

deposed

last
year
in
the
now-dismissed
FSS
bankruptcy.

FUAC
is
furious,
and
moved
for
an
emergency
hearing
today
“to
address
the
apparent
defects
in
the
sale
process,
including
changing
the
procedures,
lack
of
transparency,
and
inaccurate
disclosures
to
interested
bidders.”

“Because
the
value
of
the
assets
is
in
the
process
of
being
destroyed
at
this
very
minute,
FUAC
requests
a
status
conference
today
if
the
court’s
calendar
can
accommodate
it,”
Walter
Cicack
added
on
behalf
of whoever
is
throwing
middle
fingers
behind
that
LLC.
The
hearing
is
at
2:30CT,
and
available
to
listen
to
through
US
Bankruptcy
Judge
Christopher
Lopez’s
public
access
line.

As
CEO
Bryce
P.
Tetraeder
would
say,
“All
will
be
revealed
in
due
time.
For
now,
let’s
enjoy
this
win
and
toast
to
the
continued
consolidation
of
power
and
capital.”


Alexander
E.
Jones
and
Official
Committee
Of
Unsecured
Creditors

[Docket
via
Court
Listener]





Liz
Dye
 lives
in
Baltimore
where
she
produces
the
Law
and
Chaos substack and podcast.