Comrades,
It appears to be a dark time in the realm of team two-space. Everywhere we look, people are being taught to single space after a period/full stop. We know this is wrong, both morally and ethically. Still, people attack us because the majority now believes that it is right and proper to click that space bar once after typing a period.
They don’t even realize they are being played. Soon, other conventions will disappear from us. The ampersand hangs in the balance. Once a letter in our alphabet, it is now the Pluto of our language. That’s right. It was a letter! In the alphabet! Gone. And Pluto is a bad analogy, for at least the astronomers and cosmologists had reasons for that decision!
And don’t think our precious Oxford comma is safe. There are already cries from the “alt-write” about eliminating it. That’s right: The Federalist is posting op-eds opposed to the Oxford comma.
This is how we lose. We let them into the doorway. First, they start by creating a false debate. “Should you use the Oxford comma?” Then, they assert there are legitimate reasons not to use it. Then, they change the rule. We never hear why. We don’t even know who “they” are. It is the worst of cancel culture. Comrades, this is classic imperialism.
They will engage in trolling. They will mock you. They will claim you are old. Outdated. Like that courier font you once loved. However, do not stoop to their level (one below ours). Use their trolling as an opportunity to educate them. Here are a few examples.
TROLL: YOU DO KNOW THAT WE ARE NO LONGER USING TYPEWRITERS, RIGHT?
Reply: Yes, and in fact we still used two spaces after a period after word processing kicked in. We even used them after IBM created a typewriter capable of using proportional fonts. By the way, do you know which industry standard setting organization collectively agreed to switch from two spaces to one? No?
TROLL: WELL, IF TWO SPACES WHY NOT 3 OR 1.5 SPACES?
Reply: Some publishers used 1.5 spacing for a time. Did you do that? No? Also, when do you think proportional fonts came into existence?
TROLL: ONLY OLD PEOPLE TYPE TWO SPACES AFTER A PERIOD.
Reply: Only old people say things like “Hello” when they answer phones. Not all things old are bad. You still drive on the right-hand side of the road in America, right?
TROLL: WHO CARES WHO CAME UP WITH IT? IT’S THE WAY IT IS!
I see you have an iPhone. If I look at your Twitter page I’m going to find that you totally embraced the cord change, right?
Now you get a little bit of my feels.
TROLL: SO YOU STILL USE A FLOPPY DRIVE INSTEAD OF THE USB? HAHAHAHA!
Reply: Excellent example! See, a standard-setting organization set that standard. What is the SSO for single spacing?
TROLL: TWO SPACING ONLY MAKES SENSE WITH MONOSPACED FONTS LIKE COURIER.
Reply: So if I use Courier font you’ll leave me alone about using two spaces after a period?
TROLL: MANY STYLE MANUALS STATE THAT IT IS PROPER TO USE ONE SPACE.
Reply: Do they state why they made the change? Or do they merely do what the Chicago Manual of Style did and demonstrate that it magically appeared? APA didn’t change its standard until 2019. So, at some point, several standard-setting groups were in disagreement about the number of spaces after a period, and someone won. Who was it that started this trend?
TROLL: IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL WHY NOT JUST DO IT?
Reply: I’m not a lemming. We, as lawyers, do not like when laws change for no reason. If an administrative agency were to unilaterally declare one versus two without justification (no pun intended), we would challenge their declaration as arbitrary and capricious. If SCOTUS were to so declare, there would be outrage about the abandonment of precedent without any rationale. Why do you think it is a good idea to adopt conventions with questionable origins? I, for one, do not. Good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!
(For this reply — be sure to have your soapbox handy).
Comrades, we are not alone. In fact, Wikipedia is signaling they are on our side by giving us a thoroughly researched page displaying the receipts for my claim that this change, without thought or discussion, was merely implemented by the powers that be.
We will be victorious.
Very truly yours,
Comrade LawProfBlawg
LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here. He is way funnier on social media, he claims. Please follow him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg). Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.