(courtesy photo)
Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Claire E. Parsons back to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.
I had to break the bad news to my kids this year: we aren’t going to do trick-or-treating. No, I am not a germophobe. I’m not opposed to candy; I’ve already resigned myself to the idea that I will be purchasing some. I’m not overly strict, and I don’t hate fun. Rather, I’m a lawyer-mom. It’s my job to assess risk and weigh consequences, and as a mom it’s my role to use everything at my disposal to make sure my kids are safe. I don’t think the benefits of trick-or-treating — this one particular activity this year — justify the risk in the midst of a global pandemic. If you disagree, I hope you and your family have all the fun in the world. My family and I are just going to have to find fun in a different way.
Maybe that’s the fitting way to end 2020. Some have called it a Dumpster fire. Some have wished for it just to end. Some have lamented all that kids (and adults) have lost. I don’t quarrel with any of this and won’t try to name a person (myself included) who hasn’t struggled in the past few months as we try to cope with this “new normal” none of us really likes.
But I will say that, as a lawyer-mom, finding joy in the midst of chaos, pervasive imperfection, and a staggering lack of control is kind of my jam. It is what I’ve been doing since my first daughter was born eight years ago. I’ve gotten used to making things work. I’m skilled at coming up with random solutions — like that one year I made a killer BB8 costume for my youngest with a white sleeper set and some duct tape. I learned early on that I was never going to be a perfect mom, so I decided to spend my energy on being a happy one who makes happy kids even though the world sometimes makes this hard.
I think I got this from my mom, who is also a lawyer. She ran her own firm and volunteered in the community. She was not someone who put pressure on herself to make every holiday magical. I don’t recall a single Halloween costume she made me herself. And, she usually delegated the role of making brownies for the PTA meetings to me (which was fine because I got to lick the bowl). Mom didn’t do it all herself and what she did often happened as we rushed around town in her minivan listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter sing about how sometimes in life you are a windshield and sometimes you are the bug.
It is these moments that I recall most clearly and which matter more to me than anything. My favorite Halloween recollection of mom was the time she raced my sister and me to a store to buy costumes in between piano lessons and soccer practice. She had purchased a flamingo beak for herself as a, frankly, uninspired costume to wear to a Halloween party with friends. Like a kid who just got new shoes, she insisted on trying it on once we got in the car. After pulling into traffic, she perched it on her head because (unsurprisingly) plastic flamingo beaks are not conducive to driving. And, for no apparent reason at all, she exclaimed “I’m a unicorn! I’m a unicorn!” At the sight of our accomplished mother announcing her newly found status as a mythical creature while wearing a plastic flamingo beak on her brow, my sister and I died laughing. We are still laughing today.
I don’t remember much else about Halloween that year, including trick-or-treating, though I am certain I did it. Activities done year after year tend to blend together in the mind even when you enjoy them. But I clearly remember my mom’s humor as she rushed us around, and I have certainly come to rely on it as I began rushing around as a lawyer-mom myself. I am not telling you anything about Halloween or the holidays this year will be easy. I’m not arguing that they will be just as good. But I am saying that COVID-19 has taken many things from us, but it has not taken your creativity, or humor, or heart, or silliness. So, even though we won’t be trick-or-treating, my kids already know that they can count on me for silliness and fun. Maybe I can’t be a Halloween unicorn this year and make this holiday spectacular, but I can be a fake flamingo unicorn and make it fun. And that is what I am going to do.
Claire E. Parsons is a Member at Adams, Stepner, Woltermann & Dusing, PLLC in Covington, Kentucky where she focuses her practice in local government practice, school law, and civil litigation. She is the mother of two girls and the Content and Communications Chair for MothersEsquire. You can find more of her content or connect with her on LinkedIn.