Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Amy Bowen to our pages.
A few years ago, I assumed a label I’d previously shunned at all costs: quitter. After twelve years in Biglaw, I made the uncharacteristic decision to abandon the pie-eating contest before the final countdown.
The day I quit, I became part of a bothersome statistic: the number of women lawyers who never make it to the equity partner ranks. Around half of law firm associates are female, but the percentage declines significantly at the nonequity partner level, and falls off the cliff to around 20% at the equity partner level.
Despite concerted efforts, the number of women breaking the glass ceiling at law firms has barely budged in the past 20 years.
Being part of this statistic stings, especially because the prevailing assumption is that women leave law firms because they can’t handle the stress or the workload. It’s not easy being a Biglaw lawyer, and it becomes even harder when you add children to the mix. I came very close to quitting after my umpteenth nervous breakdown, but if dealing with challenging time requirements and living in a perpetual state of overstress were dealbreakers, I would have resigned far, far earlier than I did.
And it’s often postulated that gender bias, lack of female leadership, and discrimination are contributors to the dearth of women at the top of the legal profession. I worked at one of the most “female-friendly” law firms, and even there, these factors were inescapable.
But the creepy senior partner with the wandering eye (you know there’s one in every office!) did not deter me. Nor did the stark reality that I was one of a handful of women in a sea of men at my office’s monthly partner meetings, or the mortifying conversations I endured when navigating how to pump in the office upon returning from maternity leave.
Gender bias is most definitely at play in our profession. It’s a significant issue that we can’t ignore. But most women lawyers share a strong sense of obligation to do our part to break down biases. In all but extreme cases, it’s a factor that makes us want to dig in more than it sends us packing.
So what was my real reason for quitting? In vague terms, I felt compelled to leave because I wanted more.
As one scholar of the attrition issue has aptly articulated, “a female attorney will leave her workplace — even one in which she thrives financially and professionally — if she cannot align her practice with her values and aspirations.” For many women lawyers, myself included, at a certain point in life, the desire to pursue new challenges intersects with the courage to depart the steady track of the risk-averse Biglaw train. I believe this quest for authenticity and alignment underlies a significant portion of the attrition statistics.
The mindset shift that occurs when you become a mother isn’t all about deprioritizing work in favor of caring for children. At some point, it culminates in a broader world view and a desire for more — whether it’s more success, more balance, more autonomy, more progress, or more of something you can’t quite pinpoint when you’re in the thick of it. Moms are tough, uncompromising, and fearless.
And lawyer moms are all about efficiency. As much as they care about helping break the glass ceiling, they know that it isn’t necessary when they can fly in another direction.
When I made the decision to give up my Biglaw career, I could sense that there was more to the world than the treadmill I’d been on for what was becoming a substantial portion of my life. I knew, even before it was my reality, that I could “give up everything” and still survive — maybe even thrive.
Personally, I think the question should not be why women leave, but why more men don’t leave.
I suspect many men are trapped by persistent societal expectations surrounding gender roles. Toxic masculinity runs rampant in the law firm environment. But in the same way some men not-so-secretly resent when women have children and gain an excuse to leave the office at 5 p.m. every day, I suspect they may (in many cases subconsciously) feel a tinge of jealousy when they see women walk out the door. Emotional intelligence empowers women to abandon the “safe” path — an action that men are, deep down, often too scared to take.
Looking behind the numbers to examine the deeper reasons for attrition is an important step in the discourse surrounding Biglaw’s gender divide. And it might just make things better for everyone involved.
To effectuate change, firms have to delve into the dynamics of gender imbalance by addressing the cultural shifts necessary to foster intangibles like authentic connection, a sense of inspiration and empowerment, and acceptance of a broader set of goals and desires.
I can vouch that “life on the other side” is easier — but I’ve pulled all-nighters in Biglaw, as a solo, and in my newest role as in-house counsel. None of it’s a piece of cake. But at least it isn’t … more pie.
I’m still finding my way to whatever the highly driven part of my psyche will consider “success,” but in the meantime, the fulfillment I gain from the mindset of knowing I can start over, control my reality, and craft a career that comports with my, well, life — is something I’ll never give up.
Amy Bowen
spent twelve years in the real estate group at Holland & Knight LLP before leaving to start a solo practice in 2017. Today, she balances her role as general counsel for Builtech, a national general contractor, with parenting two children, freelance commercial leasing work, and writing.