(Image via Getty)
Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Suzanne B. Hite to our pages.
Managing motherhood and my legal career has been a challenge. I made plans, but for a variety of reasons, those plans fell apart spectacularly. I have had to respond with flexibility, patience, creativity, and a sense of humor in order to manage my life, emotional well being, legal career, and family.
In law school, my intention was to have children, continue working, and hire a nanny. While working my dream job, I became pregnant with twin boys. Despite complications, my boys arrived safely, but the pregnancy had taken its toll, and motherhood had unleashed feelings that were completely unexpected. I did not return to work. Two years later, our daughter arrived. Prior to the arrival of my children, it never crossed my mind, not even once, to stay at home. And, yet.
For seven years, I did not work as a lawyer. Then, I returned to work with an older attorney when it was unusual to have no office, no support staff, and only our cellphones. We handled 10 eminent domain cases and took five of them to trial. Our arrangement provided the flexibility that I desired, while giving me the opportunity to practice law and become a trial attorney.
Next, I tried working at a midsize firm, but the one-hour commute was too much for me and our family. I then began working part-time, behind-the-scenes, at my husband’s law firm. This provides the flexibility I desire and allows me to do interesting and challenging legal work.
Prior to the pandemic, I was looking forward to stepping away from my behind-the-scenes role and dedicating myself to work in a way that I hadn’t in 20 years. I worked on my resume. I started networking. I investigated traditional and nontraditional legal roles. The process was both terrifying and exciting.
I am an excellent lawyer with a wide range of sought-after skills, but moments of self doubt and fear emerged about whether the gaps in my resume and my nontraditional legal career would make me unmarketable. Still, I was joyously envisioning myself finding my niche and using my unique background in a role that allowed me to do important work in my own right.
My life has been turned upside down due to the pandemic. What does the future hold for me, for my children, for all of us? Will there be a job market for me to transition into in 2020-21? Will my boys return to college in the fall? What will the economy look like in the aftermath of the pandemic? For now and for the foreseeable future, I will continue working at my husband’s firm. It is a stressful time to be a lawyer, and I am extremely grateful to have a job. It is also a stressful time to be a human being, and especially to be a parent.
Am I glad I stayed home and worked part time while my kids were young? Absolutely, yes. Do I judge others who choose to work? Honestly, I used to. As a young mother, I wondered why women have children and go back to work. I’m ashamed of that now; why wasn’t I thinking that of the fathers? Why was I thinking it at all? And, whether I was working part time or not at all, I felt the subtle and not-so-subtle judgment of others over the past 20 years from strangers, friends, and even family members.
As I have matured as a person, mother, and human being, I have realized that every parent needs the freedom to choose the path that works best for them. And, I am a perfect example of someone whose intended paths have taken wild, unexpected turns due to life events beyond my control. Honestly, if you had told me at any point before I had children that I would be a stay-at-home mom, I would have called you crazy. I have even wondered whether I would have left my dream job in 2000 if I had had one child, instead of twins and, if not, how my life and career would have been different.
Honestly, it is a bit scary to be writing all this down. Everyone can be so hard on each other and so judgmental of each other’s parenting and choices, even mothers who, one would think, would be the most supportive of each other. Everyone is struggling now with schools and businesses closed, forcing many parents to now be stay-at-home-but-also-working-full-time parents. My hope for all of us is that we face this life and our careers, and particularly this pandemic, with flexibility, patience, creativity, and a sense of humor and that, in the end, we learn to support each other, and give each other the freedom to figure out and walk our own paths, not only free from judgment, but with support and kindness.
Earlier: Mothers At Law: Achieving Meaningful Success In The Legal Profession
Suzanne B. Hite, originally from Michigan, graduated from the University of Louisville School of Law. She worked as an Assistant Attorney General in the Division of Criminal Appeals and as an Assistant Director of Law for the City of Louisville Law Department before motherhood compelled her to stay at home, then work part time for the next decade. Currently, she works for Hite Law Group, PLLC, and is looking forward to resuming her job search in the months ahead. Suzanne is an active community volunteer – creating a mentor support team for the Louisville Mother of Twins Club; serving on a local school board and on the committee to hire a school superintendent; and volunteering with Room at the Inn, Meals from the Heart, and the Thomas Nelson High School Speech Team. Suzanne lives in Bardstown, Kentucky, with her husband and three children, and enjoys reading, cooking, genuinely connecting with others, and visiting family and friends in Michigan. She can be reached at shite@hitelawky.com.